Why ask Why?

Auditing the things I've done and wondering why.

New York City is an interesting cauldron of contradictions, and an intersection of geography that’s forced people from all walks of life to occupy the same space, albeit in separate layers. Creating connections in such a hectic space has always seemed like a daunting task, and something I had no idea how to navigate once I had finally stepped foot in this stage in a more permanent way, when I moved into a room in a Brooklyn apartment for the first time in early 2018.

The experience with using a kitschy co-living startup will have to be for another day, or however long my NDA lasts.

One thing that may or may not be known about me is a history of having gone to several meetups over the years, over different platforms and different concepts. From one-off meetups to constant monthly meetups to membership-based ones, I cast a really wide net when I wanted to meet people, just knowing that I wanted to see and get to know more than what my usual company is. Joining one isn’t hard at all; You really just show up and there’s no attendance being kept for a lot of these. It’s as informal of an event as you can possibly have, and it’s meant to be that way to just draw as big a crowd as possible.

The problem of having all these meetups happen all the time is that if you don't allow the space to reflect on them, you kind of get stuck in the treadmill of just attending things to do, meeting people for the first time and never committing to friendships since you always get another roll of the dice. It was enough for me to have that cadence of work, random happy hour, unorganized side projects, rinse and repeat, for the better part of 3-4 years. I had friends that I've kept throughout, but our busy schedules just led to meeting up once in a blue moon, a potential downside when you meet up friends from VERY different backgrounds. Not having friend groups in the same professional space as you means not everyone operates on the same work schedule, or even sleep schedule as you and availabilities always differed.

The OG New York Family.

I've never been a fan of traditions, and I think that comes from the fact that for some reason they're rarely questioned. There's been family traditions I've been a part of that I wasn't allowed to question, and I've read about different traditions that happen throughout history, and I understand a preservation of tradition when it comes to some family values or maybe sentimental reason, but there's some traditions where it clearly causes friction between modern societal values and in some cases just gets handwaved for the sake of it.

2024 marked maybe my 4th or 5th existential crisis in the last 8 years (covid alone was responsible for 3 of them), but it was the first one where I ended up re-evaluating the things I did, just to double back and understand how the year ended. Rather than a crisis, this did feel more like an understanding as I've come to really start enjoying the things I do, and I felt like I just really had to wonder... why?

Going back maybe the last 10 years, I've made a point to question and curate those traditions that I still have in my life. I've learned to let go of a lot of things that no longer serve me emotionally or practically, and tried to start new ones even if it starts with just me. I have standing meetups once a year with couple of friends on top of a mountain, a bond through photography and identity with another friend and of course the friendsgivings. Of those, there’s one I celebrate purely for me, a tradition of spending the New Year reflecting by a body of water.

Finally crossing off this state on the list, because a state of despair counts.

This really needs to be it's own series of writings as I've had themes on water almost every year I've had it, but I recently attended an event called Why Mondays? run by a good friend where it's spent contemplating on the 'why' of things, over the course of a ride on the Staten Island Ferry. I'm a sucker for any combination of water and brooding, so this was totally my jam, and I did end up spending a lot of it on the 'why' of the things I did in the last year, primarily in the happenings I chose to invest time into, by way of examining all the events and outings I’ve done.

The more interesting part was actually asking ‘why’ at a lot of the things I did, and realizing that I wasn’t giving an answer I would be happy with. This was a beginning of understanding the logic on the recent events I’ve gone to, and the differences in the company I’ve chosen to surround myself in. What I ended up with came from building out two lists that I’m gonna split up over writings for the rest of this month, which is a list of things I’m moving away from, and things I want to do more of. A year ago I had a full calendar and I felt like I’m at the mercy of the things happening around me, and although I was ‘technically’ being social and being out there, people are remembering me and I’m keeping engaged as a person, there’s something missing about the things I’m doing that until recently, I’ve never given myself a space to ask why.

My takeaway from this is to always ask why. Why something has been, why something can’t be better, and why some things should stay where they are. I sit here realizing and looking through a suddenly VERY full calendar of things and activities and objectively the busiest I’ve been, on top of a hectic freelance and work schedule. Part of the difference comes from asking that why. Understanding the why adds rationale to the how, justification to the what, and gives context to the who. I don’t need to completely answer the question to that, but it’s a good indicator for the year when a smile reaches my mouth faster than the words do.